A Victims Journey Day 1

I’m sat at home alone again.  He’s gone out with his mates but I have to stay at home with Olivia.  I’m sleeping on the floor next to her cot at the minute because I don’t want to have to sleep in bed with him, especially after he’s been out drinking.  He’d probably want me to go to bed with him when he comes in and that’s the last thing I want.

He came in last night at 2am shouting and banging around the house.  Luckily, he didn’t want sex but instead he came into Olivia’s bedroom and threw up all over me.  I told him this morning what he’d done the night before and he thought it was hilarious.

He asked me if I’d ironed his shirt for work, those shirts, if I didn’t iron them in just the way he wanted he’d start screaming at me and swearing. I’d gotten pregnant by accident and he didn’t really want a relationship so I can’t blame him for the fact he doesn’t really want me….., its not even so much what he says, its more the things he doesn’t say and the way he looks at me, like he’s just wiped me off the bottom of his shoe.

I stayed at home whilst he was at work.  Olivia watched me whilst I did an exercise video.  I just needed to lose a few more pounds because I was still a “fatty”.  I’d lost the baby weight and another stone but just a few pounds more wouldn’t hurt would it?

He told me he wanted bangers and mash for tea.  I hate doing mashed potatoes.  Last week he found a lump in the mash and he just got up from the table and swiped his dinner into the bin and went upstairs.  If there’s a lump in the mash again tonight I know he’s going to lose his temper. 

We needed some more money to invest in his business.  “When we win this big contract, we’ll have thousands coming in, I just need a bit extra to tide us over.”  He plonked a credit card application in front of me, he’d filled it in, I just had to sign it.  He couldn’t because his ex had left him with bad credit apparently.  “Sign it”. He stood over me until it was signed, he’d lied about all sorts on the application but I’d never had a credit card before, I’m only 22.  I didn’t really know what it all meant.

He does this thing which he thinks is really funny where he holds me down using the duvet and straddles me so I can’t move my arms.  It makes me flip out because I feel so trapped and vulnerable but he just thinks its hilarious.  Today he slammed me up against the wall in the car port.  Its stone wall so it really grazed my arms, but he didn’t hit me so its not abuse is it?